ADORBZ Friday

I'm a bit less postive (new word!) these days as my teaching partner is out for a month due to health issues (I miss her already) and I thus have a bit less time to jot down what these little things are saying. Today had a couple of good ones, though.

I was trying to teach our Writer's Workshop and the kids kept getting me off track by asking strange personal questions. We're working on historical fiction (yeah, great) and so they kept asking me if there was electricity when I was born . . .and then if Kentucky has electricity . . .and then when I came to this country . . .so it was all off-topic, but things I felt like I had to clear up. But I went on a tangent for a bit when I felt a tapping on my shoulder. Emily had gotten up, gone to our daily schedule chart, taken the "Writer's Workshop" card and walked it to me, pointing.

I got back on track.

Later, one kid was asking for hints on a name for his main character. After a few of my suggestions didn't work, sweet little Danelcy said a word I never expected to be so adorable: "Scumbag."

Got to hand it to him

Isaiah asked if I ever dream about him. "Only in my nightmares," I replied. He paused for a moment.

"While I was in your dreams, I saw your ex-girlfriend. She's not that hot."

She learns quickly

At the end of the last writing unit, Emily told me she'd write her next piece about me. So today they're gathering ideas for personal essays. I teased her about me not being in any of her ideas so far. She laughed and said, "Your Eggo."

"My ego?"

"Yes. Your ego!" She then laughed and started writing. When I came back around, one of her ideas was "Mr. Rice is annoying."

He's still got it.

So I was going to pick up my lunch and lo and behold I see my old class from the past two years in science. I drop in to say "Hello." Then I proceed to talk to the teacher how that class is a bunch of jerks, teasing them as per my custom.

Then Savior says, "And behold," and, geturing at me, "the Grand Jerk."

I gave him a high five for that one.

I hate St. Patrick's Day.

I really do. I gave reward tickets to any kid who didn't wear green. So of course during lunch, Johanny makes this:


Sigh. I can't win.

Good to be back

Last week? Don't even ask. I think seasonal depression turned the entire class into my own personal nightmare. But today they are back and they are on.

While going over a social studies test, Kevin said, "Mr. Rice, I bet you were born in Europe. That's why everyone immigrated away."

Then Savior, who had gone to the nurse after falling out of his chair and hitting his head, saw that I had thrown away his pass back from the nurse. "Hey! Why'd you throw that out?"

"I don't need it anymore."

"But it's my declaration! Of . . .independence . . .from the headbang!"

Happy New Year

I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays. I got some welcome time off and mostly spent it with family. By the end, I had actually come to . . .shiver . . .miss my little dorks. I don't know if that's ever happened before. Well, today they pretty much earned it.

For instance, I was doing a lesson on fractions. "Kevin here is one fifth of the Cheetahs team," I said as an illustration. "He is also--"

"Better than you," he interrupted perfectly. Not much I could say to that one.

Later, I was asking for volunteers to draw out a problem on the white board. Chris volunteered and made a minor mistake that I pointed out. He corrected it. "This is the sort of thing I want you guys to be doing on the class work today," said, meaning the problem he was doing.

"What, making mistakes?" Chris asked.

And during lunch, some of the kids were again eating with me. Cheyenne and Nayelyn were discussing the various cultures in their family, and I told them mine. I went on to say how I like it when various cultures come together and make interesting mixes. Seemingly out of nowhere, Nayelyn asked, "Are you an only child?"

"Uh, yeah," I replied.

"That's probably why you're so interested in other cultures."

This is one of the single most insightful, astute things anyone has ever said about me. God bless her.

Checked twice

So Paola was talking about how awful I am again. I had just received a Christmas present from a parent with Santa waving on it. "You're on the naughty list, Mr. Rice," she says. "See? Santa has his hand up. He's going to give you pa-pow."

Religion?

So when Paola asked to use the restroom, I did my traditional, "Well who's your favorite teacher?" routine.

"You," she sighed.

"Why?" I again asked. Usually the acceptable answers are "Because you're awesome/handsome/cool/a ladies man (a weird recent addition from Jaela)."

However, Paola decides to take another tack. "Because . . .faith made it that way."

The Bet

So I was talking with Paola about how some people can't seem to stop doing certain things. She mentioned CBR. Comic Book Resources is a website I frequent, especially during lunch when some of the kids come up to hang out. She bets me I can't stay away. So we start talking and we make an official bet.

For three weeks I cannot visit CBR or its blog counterpart, Comics Should Be Good. if I fail I have to cook or buy a meal for Paola and her friends Maylene and Jaela. But if I go three weeks without (even at home during the vacation) they have to do everything I say without question for two weeks, up to and including cooking for me while they're at home and bringing it in the next day.

So we'll see. I honestly think I'll lose.

Brain damage

So a running joke I have is when kids ask to go to the restroom or drink some water, I ask first who their favorite teacher is. They begrudgingly say it's me and I let them go. So today, Damaris, who's always taken great pleasure in messing with me, asks for something and I ask her who her favorite teacher is. She names my teaching partner, so I put her in a fake headlock and she jerks around like I'm doing serious damage. I let her go and she crosses her eyes and stumbles around. "Mr. Rice is my favorite teacher," she blurts, almost drunkenly. "I think you damaged my mind!"

Oh, dear

At the meeting area for reading today, Maylene asked if she could be my "scribe" (what we call the person who writes on the board for me . . .she's good at it and has better handwriting than me). I said, "Sorry, I don't need one today."

Before I could proceed with the lesson, Paola turned to Maylene and said, somewhat sympathetically, "Ohhh . . .he rejected you."

They know me all too well

Some days I bring some kids up to eat lunch with me . . .it's good to get to know them as people. We talk like adults, just asking about each other's weekends and such. They asked about my lunch, which was clearly not from a place near here.

"Well, it's a funny story," I said. "I was walking down the street--"

Kevin interrupted, "And you got eaten by a shark."

" . . .no. But I had had a big brunch and--"

Amaris' turn. "If this has something to do with a bathroom, I don't want to hear about it."

Of course it did . . .

My bad

So I was teaching a math lesson today on geometry. Never my greatest subject . . .and I got totally flustered with this new way of doing it. I realized I'd made a mistake and corrected myself.

Nasir blurted out, "Good job confusing little kids!"

Synonyms

In writing, I always stress to take their time and really think thing's through. "A good writer's never done, they've only just begun," I said in fourth grade.

Mark, "I'm done."

Frustratedly, I reply, "Mark, I've told you that a hundred times! No, you're not done!"

Mark: "Oh. I'm finished."

I'm gross and weird

Sometimes I like to say really bizarre things to friends' classes and just see what they do. My friend Ms. V just reminded me of a time I walked up to a really good, very shy girl in her class who hardly ever spoke. I'm friends with her family and get to have fun with her. But one day after my usual, "Why are you so mean to everyone?" speech to the quiet one, I added, "You make me want to take a dump on your SOUL!" and then quickly walked away.

Yeneris waited a perfect beat, and said, "THAT was awkward . . ."