He's still got it.

So I was going to pick up my lunch and lo and behold I see my old class from the past two years in science. I drop in to say "Hello." Then I proceed to talk to the teacher how that class is a bunch of jerks, teasing them as per my custom.

Then Savior says, "And behold," and, geturing at me, "the Grand Jerk."

I gave him a high five for that one.

Confessions

So we use a whole-class behavior mod where we have a canister of "gems" and then a clear jar next to it. The class goal is to get 100 gems and they get them for times the entire class does the right thing. They had reached their goal but then lost over 20 due to poor performance yesterday (while I was out of the room doing testing). Today someone counted and there were way too many.

I explained to the class there were two options: someone confesses or all gems are gone and they start over.

Savior confessed, we thanked him, and we moved on. Someone said that was a good idea and Savior said, "You should thank me, I'm the one who sacrificed my freedom!" He later whispered to me, "I hope you know I didn't really do it. In fact, I saw who did." I didn't ask him to snitch.S

You got served

I walked into library where my kids were to hand Maylene some papers for a performance she's doing. Before I could say who they were for, Savior piped up "Serve him the papers! He's being served!"

Guilty Multi-Post

Haven't added to this in a while. We had a week off for mid-winter recess and a couple of snow days, and one of my funniest kids, David, moved away. But today made up for it because I've got a lot to add.

Maylene has become obsessed with the computer. Today she asked to be on it and said she'd be really nice to me if I let her. I was hesitant. She then offered to write me a paragraph about how great I am. This I had to see. Now you can, too.

Mr. Rice is so awesome he makes women vomit. Mr. Rice is a dork but he has good thoughts of women. Mr. Rice is handsome and he loves to eat children. Mr. Rice is nice and that's why his name is Mr. Rice the nice guy who likes children.

I can't deny the vomiting part.

A lot of my kids are getting into having email. And they figured out my email and write me every now and then. We were going to have a party at the end of the day as a reward for reaching a certain behavior goal. I find this email from Nasir.

I'm ready yo party this afternoon

so.........

hurry up with the food

one more

thing

please

cancel

homework

so

everyone

can

have

a

good

time

you

and

ms.biondi

can

do

what

evr

you

want

except

for

torcher

us

so

have

a

good

time

at

the

party

OH

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no idea why he types like a poem.

And, of course, to top it off, during the party Savior says, "You know what this party needs? Alize."



After I was done laughing, I, for perhaps the hundredth time this month, replied, "Inappropriate, Savior."

Shaving reactions

This weekend I finally shaved off a beard I've had a little over two years now. So the entire time I've taught my class I've been bearded. I knew I'd have some weird reactions, but some of them have been downright bizarre.

Savior: "You look like a white dude." (Uuuhhhh . . .I am one.)

Cheyenne: "You look like a manniquin."

Damaris (covering her eyes): "It BURNS, it BURNS!" She later tried to make a beard out of her scarf for me.

Johanny came at me with a marker saying: "It's weird. Let me give you a mustache again."

Good to be back

Last week? Don't even ask. I think seasonal depression turned the entire class into my own personal nightmare. But today they are back and they are on.

While going over a social studies test, Kevin said, "Mr. Rice, I bet you were born in Europe. That's why everyone immigrated away."

Then Savior, who had gone to the nurse after falling out of his chair and hitting his head, saw that I had thrown away his pass back from the nurse. "Hey! Why'd you throw that out?"

"I don't need it anymore."

"But it's my declaration! Of . . .independence . . .from the headbang!"

Holiday messages

Today was the last day before break and we had a party. Exchanged cards and gifts, ate junk food, the whole deal. There's a lot to report on from today, so I'll try to get it all down before I forget.

• David signed two of his Christmas cards pretty hilariously bizarrely. To Amaris:

Dear Amaris, I sat in your chair.

• To Andrew:

Dear Andrew, I hope you do better in math.

I don't know why they got singled out.

• During the party, Nayelyn said, "Mr. Rice, turn on some music so we can get drunk!" She's a sweetheart and very smart, but not that grounded in reality sometimes. . .I think she might actually think it's music that makes people drunk.

• Savoir's weird Mormon fetish came to light again near the end of the day. We got a call that his dad was there to pick him up. "I hope he's not down there with the Mormons. If those Mormons embarrass me I'm going to kick his butt!"

All in all it was a great day. The kids were gracious and sweet, never complaining about not getting what they wanted. In fact, some gave kids that they felt didn't get as much some of their own stuff. I got very nice presents and even sweeter home-made cards. Really wonderful day. Sadly, it's David's last day, as his family moves to Long Island over the break. We toasted him during the party. Really going to miss that kid.

Sneak Attack (+1d6)

So Savior walks up to me in the midst of writer's workshop. Eyes half-closed, he says in a thick vague accent. "Yoo have underrestimated me . . .and the element . . .of SUPRISE!" at which point he launches a green squishy squid toy into my stomach.

What the hell?

A little early for that

My partner was reading the kids a book about kids in the old west, focusing on a chapter on what they did on their off hours. We were filling out a graphic organizer with facts from the book like "chilling out in the shade" and "telling stories." Savior raises his hand.

"Wait, wait, wait . . .and ALSO . . .they . . .drank egg nog!"

"Uhhh . . .that wasn't in the book," my partner says.

"I'm just assuming."

(??????)

Ja Wohl!

During social studies, we were looking at a pie graph detailing the national background of New Yorkers in 1990. One question was "What continent were most New Yorkers from," the answer being Europe. A few seconds later, Savior sort of uttered to himself, "Hitler."

I paused and considered whether I should ask, and decided to. "Wait, why did you just say that?"

"I was just thinking of him. I was thinking of, you know, blonde hair, blue eyes."

"Uh, OK. You know, what's weird, he didn't have either one of those things."

"Yeah."

Then we just went on with the lesson

He's on a roll today

While comparing and contrasting stage coaches and prarie schooners, Savior said "A prarie schooner was like a VCR."

"Wait, how?"

"It's bigger, you can fit your stuff in it."

"What?"

One kid helps us out, "Do you mean an RV?"

"Oh, yeah, that's it."

Joseph Smith Follow-up

Remember Savior's "Book of Mormon" moment? Today, out of nowhere, while my partner was introducing the shared reading for the day, he blurted out "I'm a Mormon! No I'm not."

EDIT: And of course the shared reading example book is about people traveling west in the 1800s, and one reason given is "Mormons escaping religious persecution." So every time Savior blurts out "MORMONS."

Tenor of the conversation

Savior was looking through a "ten best" book with lots of lists of, well, the ten best of anything. There's a picture of the Three Tenors, and he raises his hand to get me over. "Mr. Rice, are these the three Figaros? You know," then, singing, "Feeegaro feeegaro feeeeegaro!"

First day two-fer

The final impetus of me doing this were the following two statements/exchanges with one of my, we'll say more "prolific" students. This kid could have his own blog, he's always saying something amazing. I'll get into it more later, but I thought I'd start off with the first two. And because these are kids I'm working with, I won't be giving any last names or anything like that. But here is this blog's introduction to Savior. Yes, his name is Savior.

"Mr. Rice, have you read the Book of Mormon?"

"Uh, no. Have you?"

"Readin' it!" Then he walked away.

A bit later he came back up to me and said, "My birthday's soon. I want you to get me a little pamphlet of Hamlet, heh heh heh!"

I taught this class last year in fourth grade as well, and during poetry we studied, among other things, the "to be or not to be" speech. Savior took to it well (but ultimately preferred "The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock").