Elementary kids in Brooklyn say the dangedest things

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Holiday messages

Today was the last day before break and we had a party. Exchanged cards and gifts, ate junk food, the whole deal. There's a lot to report on from today, so I'll try to get it all down before I forget.

  • David signed two of his Christmas cards pretty hilariously bizarrely. To Amaris:
Dear Amaris, I sat in your chair.
  • To Andrew:
Dear Andrew, I hope you do better in math.

I don't know why they got singled out.

  • During the party, Nayelyn said, "Mr. Rice, turn on some music so we can get drunk!" She's a sweetheart and very smart, but not that grounded in reality sometimes. . .I think she might actually think it's music that makes people drunk.

  • Savoir's weird Mormon fetish came to light again near the end of the day. We got a call that his dad was there to pick him up. "I hope he's not down there with the Mormons. If those Mormons embarrass me I'm going to kick his butt!"
All in all it was a great day. The kids were gracious and sweet, never complaining about not getting what they wanted. In fact, some gave kids that they felt didn't get as much some of their own stuff. I got very nice presents and even sweeter home-made cards. Really wonderful day. Sadly, it's David's last day, as his family moves to Long Island over the break. We toasted him during the party. Really going to miss that kid.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Checked twice

So Paola was talking about how awful I am again. I had just received a Christmas present from a parent with Santa waving on it. "You're on the naughty list, Mr. Rice," she says. "See? Santa has his hand up. He's going to give you pa-pow."

Overheard in the hallway

After I picked the kids up from lunch, we were going back upstairs. Another class was rowdily walking ahead of us. To no one in particular, Jesus says, "We need some new chicks in this school."

Monday, December 21, 2009


So when Paola asked to use the restroom, I did my traditional, "Well who's your favorite teacher?" routine.

"You," she sighed.

"Why?" I again asked. Usually the acceptable answers are "Because you're awesome/handsome/cool/a ladies man (a weird recent addition from Jaela)."

However, Paola decides to take another tack. "Because . . .faith made it that way."

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Bet

So I was talking with Paola about how some people can't seem to stop doing certain things. She mentioned CBR. Comic Book Resources is a website I frequent, especially during lunch when some of the kids come up to hang out. She bets me I can't stay away. So we start talking and we make an official bet.

For three weeks I cannot visit CBR or its blog counterpart, Comics Should Be Good. if I fail I have to cook or buy a meal for Paola and her friends Maylene and Jaela. But if I go three weeks without (even at home during the vacation) they have to do everything I say without question for two weeks, up to and including cooking for me while they're at home and bringing it in the next day.

So we'll see. I honestly think I'll lose.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Brain damage

So a running joke I have is when kids ask to go to the restroom or drink some water, I ask first who their favorite teacher is. They begrudgingly say it's me and I let them go. So today, Damaris, who's always taken great pleasure in messing with me, asks for something and I ask her who her favorite teacher is. She names my teaching partner, so I put her in a fake headlock and she jerks around like I'm doing serious damage. I let her go and she crosses her eyes and stumbles around. "Mr. Rice is my favorite teacher," she blurts, almost drunkenly. "I think you damaged my mind!"