You got served

I walked into library where my kids were to hand Maylene some papers for a performance she's doing. Before I could say who they were for, Savior piped up "Serve him the papers! He's being served!"

I hate St. Patrick's Day.

I really do. I gave reward tickets to any kid who didn't wear green. So of course during lunch, Johanny makes this:


Sigh. I can't win.

Guilty Multi-Post

Haven't added to this in a while. We had a week off for mid-winter recess and a couple of snow days, and one of my funniest kids, David, moved away. But today made up for it because I've got a lot to add.

Maylene has become obsessed with the computer. Today she asked to be on it and said she'd be really nice to me if I let her. I was hesitant. She then offered to write me a paragraph about how great I am. This I had to see. Now you can, too.

Mr. Rice is so awesome he makes women vomit. Mr. Rice is a dork but he has good thoughts of women. Mr. Rice is handsome and he loves to eat children. Mr. Rice is nice and that's why his name is Mr. Rice the nice guy who likes children.

I can't deny the vomiting part.

A lot of my kids are getting into having email. And they figured out my email and write me every now and then. We were going to have a party at the end of the day as a reward for reaching a certain behavior goal. I find this email from Nasir.

I'm ready yo party this afternoon

so.........

hurry up with the food

one more

thing

please

cancel

homework

so

everyone

can

have

a

good

time

you

and

ms.biondi

can

do

what

evr

you

want

except

for

torcher

us

so

have

a

good

time

at

the

party

OH

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no idea why he types like a poem.

And, of course, to top it off, during the party Savior says, "You know what this party needs? Alize."



After I was done laughing, I, for perhaps the hundredth time this month, replied, "Inappropriate, Savior."

Shaving reactions

This weekend I finally shaved off a beard I've had a little over two years now. So the entire time I've taught my class I've been bearded. I knew I'd have some weird reactions, but some of them have been downright bizarre.

Savior: "You look like a white dude." (Uuuhhhh . . .I am one.)

Cheyenne: "You look like a manniquin."

Damaris (covering her eyes): "It BURNS, it BURNS!" She later tried to make a beard out of her scarf for me.

Johanny came at me with a marker saying: "It's weird. Let me give you a mustache again."

Good to be back

Last week? Don't even ask. I think seasonal depression turned the entire class into my own personal nightmare. But today they are back and they are on.

While going over a social studies test, Kevin said, "Mr. Rice, I bet you were born in Europe. That's why everyone immigrated away."

Then Savior, who had gone to the nurse after falling out of his chair and hitting his head, saw that I had thrown away his pass back from the nurse. "Hey! Why'd you throw that out?"

"I don't need it anymore."

"But it's my declaration! Of . . .independence . . .from the headbang!"

Unexpected duties

Being an elementary school teacher often involves you saying or doing things that you never would have predicted. Phrases have flown from my mouth that probably no human ever thought they'd say. They usually start with "Why are you . . ." or "Stop . . ."

But sometimes actual activities are unexpected. I had just dropped my class off at lunch and was walking back to my room. A fourth grader in a friend's class was stumbling by, arms full of coats, lunch, books, etc. "MR. RICE!" he called as he stopped near me.

"Yeah?"

"Pull up my pants!"

"Wait, what?" I heard him clearly but just didn't know how to process the information.

"Please pull up my pants, they're falling!" Sure enough, they were down past his rear. So, him doubled over and desperate, arms full of materials, I had to reach around and pull up the poor kid's pants. Another teacher popped into the hallway and just burst out laughing.

Happy New Year

I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays. I got some welcome time off and mostly spent it with family. By the end, I had actually come to . . .shiver . . .miss my little dorks. I don't know if that's ever happened before. Well, today they pretty much earned it.

For instance, I was doing a lesson on fractions. "Kevin here is one fifth of the Cheetahs team," I said as an illustration. "He is also--"

"Better than you," he interrupted perfectly. Not much I could say to that one.

Later, I was asking for volunteers to draw out a problem on the white board. Chris volunteered and made a minor mistake that I pointed out. He corrected it. "This is the sort of thing I want you guys to be doing on the class work today," said, meaning the problem he was doing.

"What, making mistakes?" Chris asked.

And during lunch, some of the kids were again eating with me. Cheyenne and Nayelyn were discussing the various cultures in their family, and I told them mine. I went on to say how I like it when various cultures come together and make interesting mixes. Seemingly out of nowhere, Nayelyn asked, "Are you an only child?"

"Uh, yeah," I replied.

"That's probably why you're so interested in other cultures."

This is one of the single most insightful, astute things anyone has ever said about me. God bless her.